Twenty-five years ago today, I was surprised that I didn't float down the aisle. A wedding seemed like it ought to be the dreamiest day, but when the time came, my Dad and I simply put one foot in front of the other as we made our way toward the front of the church, toward the man who would soon become my life partner. Walking felt so ordinary.
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| Our Wedding at Third Christian Reformed Church in Denver, Colorado. June 27, 1998 |
Don't get me wrong -- the dress and the music and the flowers and the dear friends and family who had gathered were nothing but ordinary. It was our wedding! But as I look back, that ordinary walk down the aisle toward a life filled with ordinary moments seems fitting.
In the classic film, Fiddler on the Roof, when Tevye and Golde reached this milestone, Tevye's urgent question to his wife of 25 years was "Do you love me?" After all, their marriage was arranged, so the question of affection had been irrelevant on their wedding day. But now he wonders..."Do you love me?"
Golde's answer canvases the ordinary days they have shared, wondering whether the question is even relevant:
For twenty-five years I've washed your clothesCooked your meals, cleaned your houseGiven you children, milked the cowAfter twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?
For twenty-five years I've lived with himFought him, starved with himTwenty-five years my bed is hisIf that's not love, what is?
But that's the thing about love. It proves itself in ordinary ways. Golde is right -- cooking and cleaning and childbearing and gathering food -- these are the building blocks of a life together. Love is not just a feeling of affection but a commitment to someone else's flourishing.
Our marriage has not been ordinary in the sense of typical. We have moved fifteen times, lived in three countries, raised three children, and earned a certificate and four degrees between the two of us. Much of the love we've shared has come in the form of packing and unpacking and learning to pay bills in a new city or taxes in a new country.
Our roles may seem unconventional. At the beginning of our marriage I did the laundry, the cooking, the shopping, and most of the childcare. Now our roles are reversed; I vacuum and help with dinner clean up while Daniel manages almost everything else, including most of the taxi-driving for our teenagers.
But I know this: Our partnership in life and ministry has been such a generous gift from God!
Do I love him? Absolutely!
Does he love me? When I get home from work, I'm greeted by the smell of love: a healthy dinner cooking.
Dinner may seem ordinary, but it's the stuff of legend and of romance. Every day that I find clean socks in my drawers and milk in the fridge or flowers on the table, I don't even have to ask.
I know.
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| University of British Colombia |
Ordinary faithfulness is what we signed up for. We celebrated 25 years of ordinary moments with an extra-ordinary cruise to Alaska. The stunning scenery and delicious food and quality service could hardly compare to the joy of experiencing it all together.
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| Glacier Bay National Park |
Happy 25th Anniversary, Honey! I'm so glad to be spending my life with you.
Here's to 25 more years of ordinary days ... together.
